Walking With My Lover’s Ghost

walk with me
I hear her softly plead
come
walk with me

and so I rise and go
take the hand that isn’t there
feel the joy in her smile
the smile only my heart can see
hear the memory of her gleeful calls
her waves to passing children
as she scampers to greet them

hugging close
faces glowing in the morning sun
a gentle breeze caresses us
sitting on our seaside bench

I kiss her tenderly
taste the love upon her lips
inhale the sweet scent of her soul
embrace the grace that made us one
blessed us

touching the emptiness beside me
tears slide down my cheeks

come
I plead
walk with me

and I rise again
move on

walking with my lover’s ghost

tio stib

You might also appreciate: You Will Always Be My Valentine; My Dementia Diary

Because once, I was loved by you

in the darkness left by death
as tears flow with sobbing breath
bereft and broke
a light shines through

because once
I was loved by you

your love
our life
was Everest
a dream fulfilled
a noble quest

a memory that guides me true

Because once
I was loved by you

now
standing on my road
alone
no idea where I’ll find home

but my heart smiles
my strength renewed

Because once

I was loved

by you


tio stib


You might also enjoy: “Our Deepest Fear,” Life Journey Poems & Prose

The Dreamer

she sits across from me

a frozen frame in memory

 

head turned

streaks of sunshine glowing on her face

her sparkling eyes staring out the window

dreaming of the life we would have together

 

smiling

 

the waitress sets our plates before us

and the woman who would be my wife

looks up and thanks her

 

we eat our meal

greet passersby

enjoy the bliss of oneness

 

now,

years later

sitting at the same table

gazing at the emptiness across from me

 

I wonder

 

did her dreams come true

 

mine did

 

 

tio stib

 

You might also enjoy: Seekers; If

You Will Always Be My Valentine

as I walk the mourning streets alone
holding the hand that isn’t there
her memory calls to me

my love teacher

smile!
life is a precious gift
delight in the wonder of each new day
embrace the sun’s warm touch
dance with moon shadows
drown yourself in the pleasures of flowers
play with children
laugh with babies

love

love

simply love

maria y steve in sand copy.jpg

you will always be my valentine

tio stib

You might also enjoy: My Dementia Diary; Life Journey Poems & Prose

My Dementia Diary 60 – Her Smile

I’ve not seen it for years
but I hear it, feel it
fluttering its butterfly wings in my soul
flitting through the garden of life’s memories
flying through my dreams

her smile

what would life be
without the heartbeat of love
without this boundless joy
this radiant light
that melts the clouds of doubt
the storms of despair

away

away

her smile

how can something
so long unseen
still fill my heart with hope

I am blinded by the bliss of love

 

tio stib

You might also enjoy: My Dementia Diary 13 – This Child Who Once Was Woman, My Dementia Diary

 

The Gift

yours was a gift I could not see
a quiet heart that treasured me

a smile that always answered

yes

a voice that offered no duress

a strength that ever held my hand
my buddy in the promised land
a care that never questioned why
a child’s grace that could not lie

you gave a gift that I now know
was purer than new fallen snow
that laughed with joy
and danced as we
flew with butterflies
and sailed dreams’ seas

then came the day
and you were gone
and tears drowned out what once was song
and lonely months slipped into years
to emptiness that no one hears

but as I walk the silent shore
I hold your hand in mine once more

I clutch the feeling in my heart
a memory lost to view
that precious gift you gave to me

I was loved by you

tio stib

You might also enjoy: ‘Walking With My Lover’s Ghost‘, ‘And I Smiled

 

 

 

Burning Dreams

today
I burned our dreams

all the visions
all the goals
all the plans we’d made together

I placed them on a funeral pyre

lit them up

let them go

watched them melt in flames
felt them float away in smoke

and I smiled

for together
we lived those dreams
walking hand in hand

in the heart of God

tio stib

You might also enjoy: The Memory of a Single Rose; Inspiration

My Dementia Diary 103 – Besame Mucho

We have a favorite song, “Besame Mucho,” by the Mexican artist Consuelo Velasquez. Whenever we hear Andrea Bocelli singing “Besame Mucho” on the radio, we stop whatever we’re doing to dance together, reminded of how blessed we are to have found each other.

Even now, as I hear Andrea Bocelli singing “Besame Mucho,” I hold her tight and dance with the memory of our love-

Besame, Besame mucho
Como si fuera ésta noche
La última vez

Besame, besame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Besame,
Besame mucho
Como si fuera ésta noche
La última vez

Besame, besame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Quiero tenerte muy cerca
Mirarme en tus ojos
Verte junto a mi
Piensa que tal vez mañana
Yo ya estaré lejos,
Muy lejos de ti

Besame, Besame mucho
Como si fuera ésta noche
La ultima vez

lyrics from “Besame Mucho” by Consuelo Velasques

Kiss Me A Lot (English translation)

Kiss me, Kiss me a lot
as if this night were
the last time

kiss me, kiss me a lot
that I’m afraid to lose you
lose you afterwards

kiss me, kiss me a lot
as if this night were
the last time

Kiss me, Kiss me a lot
that I’m afraid to lose you
lose you afterwards

I want to have you very close to me
To see myself in your eyes
to see you next to me
think that perhaps tomorrow
I will be far away
far away from you

kiss me, kiss me a lot
as if this night were
the last time

beseme mucho copy.jpg

Besame mucho!

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Both Sides Now; My Dementia Diary

 

My Dementia Diary 102 – The Final Chapters

Talking with her as she cheerfully ate breakfast, I realized that she didn’t know me, didn’t remember that we are married, that I’m her husband.

The woman I married is gone. In her place, a beautiful child whose mind slips further and further into oblivion each day. All we can do is make these days as comfortable and happy as possible. In time, she will need help with the simplest of tasks, bathing, feeding herself. She will be more and more disconnected from reality, from us, from me.

Those final chapters will be a very difficult journey.

I’m going to stop writing here. Other family have taken over my wife’s care and my role has changed from sole caregiver to caregiver support. We all know what’s coming but we’ll do our best to make each remaining day in my wife’s life joyful.

I suspect few of us consider how our lives or the lives of our loved ones will end. I certainly avoided the subject until dementia shoved death in front of my face.

Yes, this has been a painful journey, but it’s a journey I’ve been able to share with my wife, with family, with other loved ones, a journey that, although anguishing at times, has also been rich with the deep intimacy gained by sharing life’s ultimate challenge.

Namaste’

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Her Smile; My Dementia Diary