do I miss her laughing voice
yes
my heart cries out
straining to hear her call in the silence
do I miss the rose petal scent of her softness
yes
each breath aching to know her once more
do I miss the way she tossed her hair
her playful smile that said
I’m beautiful
do I miss her reaching out
to take my hand
to dance with me
in blissful oneness
yes
with every heartbeat
but mostly
I miss her whispering
lips kissing mine
mio
tio stib
in the black, eternal night
I wonder what might have been
had fate not gulped us whole
what roads would have called us on
what waves swept us off to other lands
what mountains would have echoed with our joy
what babies cooed, what friends cajoled
what rainbows would have blessed our dreams
had fate not gulped us whole
and yet
as I hold her hand so soft and still
I know the peace
of a life lived
however briefly
together
tio stib
I meet a lot of old men walking dogs
sometimes we stop and talk a bit
how’s it going?
what’s your dog’s name
Charlie
Galahad
Spook
one guy is a poet who offers his daily verse
I listen, smile, and pet Rocky
continuing on, I wonder
should I get a dog?
do I need a dog?
my daughter thinks so
she’s always urging me
you need a pet
something to fill the hole in your life
the emptiness from losing your wife
yes, I concur
there is a hole
certainly an emptiness
but there is also a deep, rich
feeling of gratitude
that I was blessed to have had
even for a short time
the bliss of perfect love
I do like dogs
have had a few over the course of years
but these beautiful creatures require, yes need
a certain kind of responsible care
and you can’t just lay them off on your kids
like grandchildren
when you tire and can’t keep up your end of the deal
so I do my morning walks alone
greet the other old men passing by
pet their dogs
and walk on
but I’m never alone
love is always with me now
tio stib
today I burned our dreams
all the visions
all the goals
all those plans we’d made together
I placed them on a funeral pyre
lit them up
watched them melt in flames
felt them float away in smoke
let them go
and I smiled
remembering
we lived those dreams
we walked hand in hand
in the heart of God
tio stib
walk with me
I hear her softly plead
come
walk with me
and so I rise and go
take the hand that isn’t there
feel the joy in her smile
the smile only my heart can see
hear the memory of her gleeful calls
her waves to passing children
as she scampers to greet them
hugging close
faces glowing in the morning sun
a gentle breeze caresses us
sitting on our seaside bench
I kiss her tenderly
taste the love upon her lips
inhale the sweet scent of her soul
embrace the grace that made us one
blessed us
touching the emptiness beside me
tears slide down my cheeks
come
I plead
walk with me
and I rise again
move on
walking with my lover’s ghost
tio stib
You might also appreciate: You Will Always Be My Valentine; My Dementia Diary
she never questioned never paused simply poured her endless love into my life now she sits without her mind and I give back tio stib You might also enjoy: My Dementia Diary; Symphony vs. Stanza
in the darkness left by death as tears flow with sobbing breath bereft and broke a light shines through because once I was loved by you your love our life was Everest a dream fulfilled a noble quest a memory that guides me true Because once I was loved by you now standing on my road alone no idea where I’ll find home but my heart smiles my strength renewed Because once I was loved by you tio stib You might also enjoy: “Our Deepest Fear,” Life Journey Poems & Prose
she sits across from me
a frozen frame in memory
head turned
streaks of sunshine glowing on her face
her sparkling eyes staring out the window
dreaming of the life we would have together
smiling
the waitress sets our plates before us
and the woman who would be my wife
looks up and thanks her
we eat our meal
greet passersby
enjoy the bliss of oneness
now,
years later
sitting at the same table
gazing at the emptiness across from me
I wonder
did her dreams come true
mine did
tio stib
as I walk the mourning streets alone
holding the hand that isn’t there
her memory calls to me
my love teacher
smile!
life is a precious gift
delight in the wonder of each new day
embrace the sun’s warm touch
dance with moon shadows
drown yourself in the pleasures of flowers
play with children
laugh with babies
love
love
simply love
you will always be my valentine
tio stib
You might also enjoy: My Dementia Diary; Life Journey Poems & Prose
I’ve not seen it for years
but I hear it, feel it
fluttering its butterfly wings in my soul
flitting through the garden of life’s memories
flying through my dreams
her smile
what would life be
without the heartbeat of love
without this boundless joy
this radiant light
that melts the clouds of doubt
the storms of despair
away
away
her smile
how can something
so long unseen
still fill my heart with hope
I am blinded by the bliss of love
tio stib
You might also enjoy: My Dementia Diary 13 – This Child Who Once Was Woman, My Dementia Diary
