Tag Archives: marriage

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The Gift

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yours was a gift I could not see
a quiet heart that treasured me

a smile that always answered

yes

a voice that offered no duress

a strength that ever held my hand
my buddy in the promised land
a care that never questioned why
a child’s grace that could not lie

you gave a gift that I now know
was purer than new fallen snow
that laughed with joy
and danced as we
flew with butterflies
and sailed dreams’ seas

then came the day
and you were gone
and tears drowned out what once was song
and lonely months slipped into years
to emptiness that no one hears

but as I walk the silent shore
I hold your hand in mine once more

I clutch the feeling in my heart
a memory lost to view
that precious gift you gave to me

I was loved by you

tio stib

You might also enjoy: ‘Walking With My Lover’s Ghost‘, ‘And I Smiled‘

 

 

 

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My Dementia Diary 103 – Besame Mucho

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We have a favorite song, “Besame Mucho,” by the Mexican artist Consuelo Velasquez. Whenever we hear Andrea Bocelli singing “Besame Mucho” on the radio, we stop whatever we’re doing to dance together, reminded of how blessed we are to have found each other.

Even now, as I hear Andrea Bocelli singing “Besame Mucho,” I hold her tight and dance with the memory of our love-

Besame, Besame mucho
Como si fuera ésta noche
La última vez

Besame, besame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Besame,
Besame mucho
Como si fuera ésta noche
La última vez

Besame, besame mucho
Que tengo miedo a perderte
Perderte después

Quiero tenerte muy cerca
Mirarme en tus ojos
Verte junto a mi
Piensa que tal vez mañana
Yo ya estaré lejos,
Muy lejos de ti

Besame, Besame mucho
Como si fuera ésta noche
La ultima vez

lyrics from “Besame Mucho” by Consuelo Velasques

Kiss Me A Lot (English translation)

Kiss me, Kiss me a lot
as if this night were
the last time

kiss me, kiss me a lot
that I’m afraid to lose you
lose you afterwards

kiss me, kiss me a lot
as if this night were
the last time

Kiss me, Kiss me a lot
that I’m afraid to lose you
lose you afterwards

I want to have you very close to me
To see myself in your eyes
to see you next to me
think that perhaps tomorrow
I will be far away
far away from you

kiss me, kiss me a lot
as if this night were
the last time

beseme mucho copy.jpg

Besame mucho!

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Both Sides Now; My Dementia Diary

 

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My Dementia Diary 102 – The Final Chapters

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Talking with her as she cheerfully ate breakfast, I realized that she didn’t know me, didn’t remember that we are married, that I’m her husband.

The woman I married is gone. In her place, a beautiful child whose mind slips further and further into oblivion each day. All we can do is make these days as comfortable and happy as possible. In time, she will need help with the simplest of tasks, bathing, feeding herself. She will be more and more disconnected from reality, from us, from me.

Those final chapters will be a very difficult journey.

I’m going to stop writing here. Other family have taken over my wife’s care and my role has changed from sole caregiver to caregiver support. We all know what’s coming but we’ll do our best to make each remaining day in my wife’s life joyful.

I suspect few of us consider how our lives or the lives of our loved ones will end. I certainly avoided the subject until dementia shoved death in front of my face.

Yes, this has been a painful journey, but it’s a journey I’ve been able to share with my wife, with family, with other loved ones, a journey that, although anguishing at times, has also been rich with the deep intimacy gained by sharing life’s ultimate challenge.

Namaste’

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Her Smile; My Dementia Diary

 

 

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My dementia Diary 101 – Gratitude

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Yes, dementia sucks and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, but living with dementia has also brought blessings. The experience of being my wife’s caregiver has pushed me to be a better person, challenged my ability to love and forced me to be humble.

We have received help from family, friends, and unexpected places, good people who have stepped up when we needed assistance. In a world that often seems filled with cynicism and negativity, I have been given renewed faith in the basic goodness of human beings.

We’ve had the sweet perfume of roses and buzz of hummingbirds just outside our door.

We have a A treasure chest of wonderful memories from our life together that lights up dark days.

Although dementia is slowly taking my wife’s mind away, it has not taken her cheerfulness. Her joyful smile continues to light up my life.

I’ve never known a more perfect example of love than my wife, my Maria, she is my hero. I could not have been more blessed than to find her smiling face in front of me when I opened the front door that fateful day a dozen years ago.

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Her Smile; My Dementia Diary

 

 

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My Dementia Diary 100 – Both Sides Now

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It has been raining in our town, a string of wet, dark, gloomy days that make it easy to stay inside, easy to sit sipping tea wondering about life, wondering how I’ve come to be alone, how I’ve loved my wife with all my heart but that was not enough to save her from dementia.

The words of Joni Mitchell come to mind-

Tears and fears and feeling proud,

To say “I love you” right out loud

Dreams and schemes and circus crowds

I’ve looked at life that way

But now old friends they’re acting strange

They shake their heads, they say I’ve changed

Well something’s lost, but something’s gained

In living every day.

I’ve looked at life from both sides now

From win and lose and still somehow

It’s life’s illusions I recall

I really don’t know life at all

-lyrics from “Both sides Now” by Joni Mitchell, 1968

No, I really don’t know life at all.

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Truth; My dementia Diary

 

 

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My Dementia Diary 98 – Muddy Waters

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swirling sadness surrounds my soul
muddy waters have drowned my heart

in time
the flood of tears will retreat
the clouds of sorrow melt away

in time
the waters will clear

in time
I will drink from the river of life

once more

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Her Smile; My Dementia Diary

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My Dementia Diary 97 – My Daily Lama

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she smiles
they laugh
and lives are lighter

I follow in her footsteps

Maria
my wife
the Child Buddha

my daily lama

her memory is the light
guiding me forward

tio stib
2017, 2020

You might also enjoy: The Memory of a Single Rose; Thank You, Very Good Day!

 

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My Dementia Diary 96 – Lost in Quiet

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in the wake of her passing
swirls of memories

silence

only shadows of her smile
only echoes of her laughter

I am lost in quiet

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Thank You, Very Good Day; My Dementia Diary

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My Dementia Diary 95 – Returnings

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“Where’s your wife?”

The grocery clerks, the drug store help, coffee shop baristas, deli servers, librarians, they all ask the same question. When I return now, alone, to the places we frequented together, they all expect to see the blind guy and his ever cheerful wife. 

But she’s not there, so they ask,

“Where’s your wife?”

And I try to answer, tear up, reach out to hold her hand that isn’t there, start crying, because I’m asking the same question,

Where’s my wife?

tio stib

You might also appreciate: The Walk to Paradise Garden; My Dementia Diary

 

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My Dementia Diary 94 – Tearfully Treading Water

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Tennyson wrote
“tis better to have loved and lost
than never to have loved at all”

I have loved and lost

left tearfully treading water
in an infinite ocean of loneliness

tio stib

You might also appreciate: Both Sides; My Dementia Diary