turning slowly round and round I go treading water in the sea of status quo forward backward where to go the simple truth I just don’t know but a voice, deep inside of me growls don’t give up, there’s more to be I sigh and paddle, straight and true into a world forever blue perhaps I’ll meet something, someone new maybe even you tio stib
Tag Archives: life journey
people are what people do nothing novel, nothing new don’t be surprised don’t look askew when what they say is not what’s true sigh trusting folks is hard to do tio stib
Fantasyland is Closed Today
there are dreams and there are fantasies the first, possibilities the second, delusions but what is the difference? what is the line that, once crossed leads to a spiraling descent into frustration, depression, emptiness What is the difference between fantasies and adventures? in the beginning, perhaps nothing but somewhere along the way you begin to hear a voice a stirring a thought a question? and, if you stop and pay attention the voice gets louder until finally you open your mind to see the sign in front of your life Fantasyland is closed today tio stib
Waiting for the world
another project out the door another time I’ve said no more and as I sit and catch my breath there comes a sense of creeping death for even though I’ve done my best placed my work above the rest crossed the t’s and dotted i’s standing clear before my eyes the naked truth won’t be disguised in the flood of current books mine won’t entice a second look so in a day perhaps two I’ll start fresh begin anew write some more it’s what I do because the world’s unlikely to come through and holding my breath is turning me blue tio stib
The Blind Side Parables 28 – Passwords
Security precautions require that you reset your password Enter new password letmein Passwords require at least one capital letter Pleaseletmein Passwords require at least one symbol Pleaseletmeinnow! Passwords require at least one number 1moretimePleaseletmeinnow! Your session has expired Please begin again Moral: When computers start changing passwords just to mess with us, it’s over. tio stib
A Winter Morning
brrr! cold wet the morning wind slaps me awake really? why would a sane man go out in this weather? a smile exactly. sanity is not the word of the day tio stib
it’s lonely here
in this ocean of emptiness
realizing that the dreams I once swam to
like the people surrounding me
are no longer there
and so I tread water
spin in lazy circles
stare at a sky full of memories
realize once more
for this I’m grateful
A blind writer’s path to happiness – Which Mountain to Climb?
Happiness. What does that word mean to me? I’ve been thinking on this question of late. So far, I’ve decided that what happiness is for me is mostly what writing is not. Smiles, fun, good times shared with good people, feeling excited and grateful about life, looking forward to a new day, new adventures.
No, for me, writing, a solitary mentally taxing activity, is not much of any of these things.
Which tempts the obvious question, why do I choose to write if it doesn’t make me happy?
Because some things are simply work worth doing. Some things, like weeding a garden on a hot summer day, may not be pleasant or “happy” in the moment, but the results of the effort bring satisfaction later, sometimes days and weeks later, when the harvest finally comes in. Of course, you must like gardens to appreciate the value of weeding. I confess to liking stories and storytelling, which propels me to write in hopes of creating a good story someday.
Others have labelled such late returns as “delayed gratification.” I’m not sure it’s something to be proud of, but over the course of my life, I’ve become something of an expert in this area. As self-satisfying as this distinction has been at times, I’m now wondering why the hell I put off being “happy” so many times in hopes that my disciplined, focused, often martyr like work would later produce gratifying results. Such efforts included relationships that would have been more wisely abandoned in a matter of days instead of years.
This brings me to another “h” word that has shaped my life-
yes, along with being a disciple of the “delayed gratification” mantra, I’ve also ben prone to the “hope for better” syndrome. the irrational belief that if I worked harder, longer, better at whatever, the clouds would part, the sun would shine, and life would be beyond wonderful.
Someone once told me, “there is no hope.” Please, let’s not get into a pedantic diatribe about this four letter word, perhaps we can agree that “Hope” means whatever you or I or anyone else wants it to mean. I think the afore mentioned person’s take on “hope” was that one just can’t sit on a rock “hoping” that it will start raining gold, life reality is that “hope” can inspire us but “Work” is what makes dreams happen. As usual, this is a rather simplistic statement, at least in my experience.
I’d “hoped” to be an Olympic volleyball player and I “worked” for years to achieve this goal. However, there was a fundamental flaw in my hoped for vision. I did not have the physical attributes required to be a world class volleyball player. For those not familiar with the sport, one of volleyball’s defining features is an eight foot net which divides the two opposing teams. In order to be successful at this sport, you must be able to jump high above this eight foot obstacle. As I barely stand over five and one half feet tall, I was at a distinct disadvantage compared to players towering over six feet. Sure, there are short guys who can nearly jump over tall buildings but I was not one of them. Hence, This life choice was not well grounded in reality.
Did this limit my happiness playing volleyball? Ultimately, yes, because I wanted to win as that seemed to be the measure of success and my lack of height often prevented me from winning. Still, and this is a further reflection on my tendency to hang on too long to things that aren’t working, I played for many years “hoping” to somehow defy reality and reach my goal. A wiser man described such acts of futility as insanity.
Which, finally, brings me to the ultimate subject of this post, which mountain to climb?
I’ve come to believe that if I can face a life challenge each day and create happiness in the process of working to achieve that goal, it’s a mountain worth climbing. Blindness has made such choices much simpler as I’ve had to accept that many things I used to do are not practical anymore. I don’t climb real mountains, sail oceans, or play any sort of sports involving balls which i cannot see. This void was depressing for awhile but eventually I followed my wife’s lead and began to simply enjoy the delights of our daily walks, the pleasure of biting into a tuna fish sandwich on toasted wheat bread, the enjoyment of conversation with neighbors. Then, there’s still writing and storytelling, work I do that is not often fun but eventually rewarding.
All said and done, this blind writer is finding his life path sprinkled more and more with bursts of happiness because I’m making smarter choices on which mountains to climb, and, most important, I’m simply enjoying climbing.
You might also enjoy “Perfection,” “Fishing”
The Blind Side Parables 26 – Why Geese Fly in a V-formation:
“Gramps, why do geese fly in a V?” The pair were sitting together on a shoreline bench when they’d heard the loud honking behind them. Now, a flock of geese, in a telltale V formation, flew over their heads. “That’s a very good question, Max,” the old man responded. There was a pause as the older man and his grandson watched a sky filled with honking, flapping V’s sweep by. “First, geese are cooperative creatures. By flying in a “V” form, they greatly reduce their collective air resistance and so increase their flight range. Man and boy continued to stare upward as more and more formations of geese rushed past. Gramps continued, “The goose at the head of the V is not necessarily the leader of the flock. Geese take turns leading. As one bird tires, it drops to the back of the formation and another takes its place. Flying in a V-form increases visibility as each bird can see what’s happening in front of them. Now that’s teamwork.” The boy considered this information, then asked, “But why do they honk so much?” Gramps smiled, “When flying, geese honk to provide recognition to each other helping them maintain speed and stay in formation. There was silence as the last of the migrating geese faded into the clouds. The boy sighed, “All those geese getting along, flying in formation, getting where they need to go, nothing like the traffic jams Dad complains about driving to and from work. Why don’t people cooperate like the geese do?” The old man put an arm over the boy’s shoulder and hugged him, “another very good question.” Moral: In Nature, the truth is plain to see. tio stib You might also enjoy: Do It Anyway; The Blindside Parables 22 - Life is Like a Broken Egg
Rain, Rain, come again
pummel drip drizzle splatter plop hiss pour batter stream wash course hammer pound sheet mist patter the sounds, the sights, the feel of rain when will things get wet again tio stib You might also enjoy: my life as a hummingbird; shape shifting