The Blinedside Parables 20 He’s Here

“We’re saved”

“He’s here!”

The shouts rang out all over town. After two thousands years, the Messiah had returned.

but the arguments had already begun.

“He’s coming to our church first!”

“Why your church, ours is bigger?”

“No way, our church is older, he’ll certainly start with us.”

It was bitter chaos, a dozen churches claimed first dibs on the son of God. Then, someone suggested a lottery. Put all the church names in a hat and draw a winner.

But who would do the picking?

It had to be an atheist or an agnostic. No, not an agnostic, he might try to cover his bets.

Meanwhile, the only atheist around was leaving town. the long haired hobo had his thumb out. He’d been sneered at and spat on until a little girl in a passing car called out, “look Mommy, it’s Jesus!”

Then things had really got nuts.

It was time to get away before the Christians started warring over their pedigrees.

ring over their pedigrees.

Moral: God doesn’t always mean good.

tio stib

You might also enjoy: The Blindside Parables 17-Superman; Life in reverse by George Carlin

Old Men Walking Dogs

I meet a lot of old men walking dogs
sometimes we stop and talk a bit
how’s it going? 
what’s your dog’s name
Charlie
Galahad
Spook
one guy is a poet who offers his daily verse
I listen, smile, and pet Rocky

continuing on, I wonder
should I get a dog?
do I need a dog?
my daughter thinks so
she’s always urging me 
you need a pet
something to fill the hole in your life
the emptiness from losing your wife

yes, I concur
there is a hole
certainly an emptiness
but there is also a deep, rich
feeling of gratitude
that I was blessed to have had
even for a short time
the bliss of perfect love

I do like dogs
have had a few over the course of years
but these beautiful creatures require, yes need
a certain kind of responsible care
and you can’t just lay them off on your kids
like grandchildren
when you tire and can’t keep up your end of the deal

so I do my morning walks alone
greet the other old men passing by
pet their dogs
and walk on

but I’m never alone

love is always with me now


tio stib

You might also enjoy: Walking With My Lover’s Ghost; Life in reverse by George Carlin


The Blindside Parables 19 – The Legend of Johnny Ringo

It was dead quiet in Dust Devil, Wyoming. All eyes were on the two men facing each other under the hot, noon sun. There was going to be a gunfight on Main Street.

One of the men  was going to die.

“Well Bronc,” said the younger man, dressed in black with silver spurs jangling on his polished boots, “seems like folks are expecting us to fight.”

Bronc, a big hulk, not nearly as fashionably dressed, merely grunted, his beady black eyes riveted on the kid in front of him.

“Now, I think it’s only fair,” the kid continued, “that you have a realistic idea of just how fast I am, so you don’t have any illusions you might beat me.”

Bronc grunted again and the kid smelled whiskey on the grizzled man’s breath.

It was true that no one had ever outdrawn Johnny Ringo, but it was also true that he’d never killed anyone who face him, but nobody in town knew that. They just knew he was a legend, the fastest gun in the West.

Johnny reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a bright, shiny silver dollar, and reached out to Bronc.

“Tell you what,” Johnny said, “before we get serious, I like your hat. Here, I’ll trade you mine for yours, and even give you this silver dollar.”

Surprised, but not stupid, Bronc thought a moment, then took the dollar and the men exchanged hats.

Johnny smoothed the felt on the faded, beat cowboy hat he held, “a fine hat, Bronc. thanks.”

Bronc pulled the stylish, new, black sombrero over his mangy hair and smiled. He’d certainly come out ahead on that deal.

Johnny stared him down. “Pay attention, Bronc, watch how fast I draw and shoot this hat out of the air.”

Before Bronc could even smirk, Johnny tossed the old hat high into the air.

Bam! A shot rang out and echoed from the storefronts along Main Street.

the hat changed direction, floated down,  and settled at Bronc’s feet.

Bronc gaped at the hat. there were two holes in it. Shot clean through. Dumbstruck, he looked up at Johnny.

The kid spoke, “Did you see my draw? Want me to do it again?”

Bronc hadn’t even seen the kids hand move. Damn, he really was fast.

Johnny picked up the hat, dusted it off, held it out to Bronc. “Now friend, we could get on with the gunfight, but I think you know now how that will play out. The next time I draw there’s going to be a bullet going through your head.”

Johnny paused to let this reality sink into Bronc’s liquor clouded brain.

“You can either walk away alive or..”

Another pause.

Johnny continued. “Play it smart and I’ll give you your hat back and even autograph it.”

Bronc’s gun hand was shaking as he reached for the black sombrero. Johnny took out a pen and signed the shot up hat.

Trading hats, they parted ways.

The town gasped in relief.

“Jeez, that Johnny Ringo is lightnin’ fast.”

“Did you see him draw?” 

Nobody had. He really was the fastest gun in the West.

Johnny sauntered into the saloon, smiled at the reverential faces, and paid for a round. then, making his goodbyes, he headed for the livery to find his horse.

“Well, Johnny, you beat the odds again,” said a voice from the barn’s shadows.

A young woman with a big smile and a mess of brown curls spilling from under her cowboy hat, came into the light. She had a rifle under her arm.

“Sure as shootin’ Janey,” Johnny answered, pulling her into a tight embrace and kissing the lips he knew so well.

He whispered, “Damn,  you are surely the best shot I’ve ever seen.”


Moral: If you’re going to be a legend, it helps to have good backup.


tio stib

You might also enjoy: The Blindside Parables 17 - Superman; If by Rudyard Kipling
Category: Life Journey Poems & Prose

tags: humor, fiction, life lessons

Oh Treasured Sleep

after hours of insomniac hell
I slipped off to sleeping bliss
until a screaming blasphemy
jerked me back to consciousness

with no rational thought
no lingering guilt
I slammed the insolent alarm

off!

I’d paid my dues
with lack of sleep
and conscience free
I snuggled deep

ah-h-h
I so love my sweet cocoon

wake me with the next full moon


tio stib

You might also enjoy: Passwords: The Comfort of Complacency



The Blindside Parables 18 – Timeman

Dan Chen was obsessed with two things.

Time and numbers.

When he discovered computers, he began to explore probabilities and statistics which led him to research the numbers associated with human lifetimes.

Once we are born, how much time do we have to live?

His research had brought acclaim in university and several insurance giants had offered him prestigious positions in their actuarial departments. 

But Dan had another idea, an idea that had made him a millionaire

The LifeTime Watch, an innovative device that worn on one’s wrist, not only displayed the time of day, it also showed how long you had to live.

Dan had created a program that integrated human body metrics such as pulse rates, body temperature, sleep time and stress levels, along with environmental sensors including air quality, temperature and humidity, as well as an active internet connection that monitored local and international weather, economic and political information. All this data was fed into a unique analysis program based on thousands of human life statistics to produce a current estimate of one’s actual lifetime expectancy.

It had taken Dan years to perfect his program and then produce the prototype LifeTime Watch, which had been tested on real people for more than two years. 

And it worked. The LifeTime Watch was 97% accurate to years and months to live. Millions had been sold. He was nicknamed Timeman. But Dan’s obsession continued. Now he and a select group were beta testing a new model that would bring this same statistical accuracy down to days.

Dan was checking the new Lifetime watch as he walked along a busy San Francisco sidewalk. He was troubled by the anomalies. What about the 3% who beat the odds. Did they have something in common? He stopped and looked around at the moving mass of humanity that had flooded outside for the rare summer sunshine in downtown San Fran. Who was going to live today? Who was going to die?

He looked down at his watch. He shook his head, that couldn’t be right. He looked again.

The display was filled with zeroes. Zero years. Zero months. Zero weeks. Zero days.

Dan’s watch said his lifetime was…

Failing to notice that the traffic light had changed, Dan had walked out into the busy street.

He never saw the bus that hit him.

Moral: Time stops for no man, and sometimes buses don’t either.


tio stib

You might also enjoy: Control Freaking; Life Journey Poems & Prose



The Blindside Parables 17 – Superman

Superman was thinking, something he’d been doing more and more of lately. the calls for his services had dropped dramatically. The super hero market was flooded with up and comers and his agent was even having difficulty booking him for high school graduation ceremonies. He wouldn’t miss those, lately kids had been smirking, whispering out loud when he flew onto the stage,

“who’s that old fart!”

He had to admit that is image had been slipping. Looking down at the form fitting costume that hid little, he grimaced at the site of the belly paunch that had been building around his middle. He ran his fingers through his thinning hair, remembering that this was Grecian Formula day, needed to keep that gray hair out of sight.

His buddy, Batman, didn’t have this problem. Heck, the guy was bald now, but his hooded outfit with the cute little ears hid his shiny scalp. And some of the others weren’t doing so well either. Wonder woman’s hair had turned white. Spiderman was getting acupuncture treatment for his ailing joints and Captain America had dentures.

Some of his old friends had disappeared. What had happened to the Phantom and Flash Gordon? And what did these new guys have that he didn’t? And who came up with these names? elastoman? the Hulk? Are these names you’d turn to when the world needed to be saved?

things had changed, time had rushed by, and he now felt outside it all, on the edges watching life go by. His phone alarm rang. He looked at the text message and sighed.

Mrs. Donnelly’s cat was stuck up in a tree again. He wished lois Lane hadn’t given the old lady his cell number.

Oh well, he thought, knees creaking as he rose, just another day in the life of an aging super hero.

Moral: Everybody gets old, even super Man. 

tio stib

You might also enjoy: Life in Reverse by George Carlin; Life is Like a Broken Egg

Shape Shifting

the mirror of life stares back at me
a history of those times once free
the many men I’d tried to be
the many worlds I’d longed to see
so many new realities
I lived in hopes of finding me

some were good and some were bad
there were happy times and sad
joyful moments and some quite mad
questing for the dreams I had

some lasted days, some only hours
some grew from seeds to lovely flowers
but then the moment finally came
when each went up in spirit’s flame

was I born a vagabond
to never settle down for long
to never truly quite belong
heart pulled on by distant song

lovers, friends, and passersby
I’ve known them all
said my goodbyes
but now, as I face the end
I wonder if I’ll fly again

the caterpillar exists to eat
the pupa then goes off to sleep
and in its sacred, silky place
transforms into a different face

and so I build my new cocoon
as life within me starts to swoon
in hopes that with the coming moon
I will stretch my wings once more
and fly away to distant shores

so begins my every day
shape shifting in the cosmic play

tio stib
2016, 2018, 2019, 2020, 2022

You might also enjoy: Paddling a Submarine vs. Living an Authentic Life, A Friend Passes

Missing

do I miss her laughing voice

yes 
my heart cries out
straining to hear her call in the silence

do I miss the rose petal scent of her softness

yes
each breath aching to know her once more

do I miss the way she tossed her hair
her playful smile that said 

I’m beautiful

do I miss her reaching out
to take my hand
to dance with me 
in blissful oneness

yes
always

with every heartbeat

but most of all
I miss her

whispering
as her lips touched mine

mio


tio stib

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Listen First to Understand


I want to help them
give advice
make them think I’m smart and nice

but then I hear a wiser man

listen first to understand

I want to brag
shout what I’ve done
make them want to cheer me on

but then that wiser man again

listen first to understand

no, I don’t always heed the rule
neediness makes me play the fool
but in the quiet of evening light
I look back and know what’s right

listen first to understand

and I will be a loving man


tio stib


You might also enjoy: “If” by Rudyard Kipling; Life Journey Poems and Prose