Shape Shifting

the mirror of life stares back at me
a history of those times once free
the many men I’d tried to be
the many worlds I’d longed to see
so many new realities
I lived in hopes of finding me

some were good and some were bad
there were happy times and sad
joyful moments and some quite mad
questing for the dreams I had

some lasted days, some only hours
some grew from seeds to lovely flowers
but then the moment finally came
when each went up in spirit’s flame

was I born a vagabond
to never settle down for long
to never truly quite belong
heart pulled on by distant song

lovers, friends, and passersby
I’ve known them all
said my goodbyes
but now, as I face the end
I wonder if I’ll fly again

the caterpillar exists to eat
the pupa then goes off to sleep
and in its sacred, silky place
transforms into a different face

and so I build my new cocoon
as life within me starts to swoon
in hopes that with the coming moon
I will stretch my wings once more
and fly away to distant shores

so begins my every day
shape shifting in the cosmic play

tio stib
2016, 2018, 2019

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My Dementia Diary 56 – Dealing with Resentment

“Tis the season of returning Spring vacationees, folks coming back from school breaks and family outings, eager to share the stories of their adventures. I force myself to smile and say, “how nice.” But it’s easy to be resentful.

Sure, cross country skiing through pristine trails in the mountains, drinking margaritas at sunset on a Hawaiian beach, or visiting the the wonderful museums in Washington, D.C., sounds like fun. 

If you’re not blind and caring for a wife with dementia.

Sour grapes? Totally, which is why I work hard not to fall into the resentment trap.

After all, how many people get up in the morning with money in the bank, no debt, and food in the refrigerator? How many people go for a leisurely walk each morning in a comfortable climate through a safe and friendly small town, past sweet smelling flowers and singing birds, and listen to the gentle lap of waves on a beach?

Our adventures may not be as grand and exciting as the returning vacationees, but  ours are no less delightful.

I’m better off being grateful for what we have, than resenting what we don’t.

tio stib

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Symphony vs. Stanza

beginning with merely four notes
Beethoven created an immortal symphony
a musical poem with voices numbering
over two dozen instruments

surrounded by the sound of genius
I bounce between inspired and humbled
trying to write a decent stanza

tio stib

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Weeding Words

what makes a word a weed?

makes me suddenly
yank it out
toss it from my poetic garden

I must admit it’s never logic
nothing rational
just pure and perfect whim

it sounds odd
it looks strange
it simply doesn’t fit
it’s a weed
goodbye

and so, to fill the gaping hole
I plant another seed
and watch new life erupt

listen
to how it gabs with neighbors

hope
that this communion of sound and sight and meaning
will sate the artist’s appetite for perfectio

tio stib

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Jumping Off

leaning out the open door
time roars by
it’s gone
no more
I wonder what my life might be
had I the courage to jump free

behind me in the train’s cocoon
dreams fly off to distant moons
faces glued to heartless screens
joyless stares and silent screams

and so we travel every day
secure and safe or so we say
the child no longer comes to play
the status quo will have its way

will I stay an untold story
remain in hopeless purgatory
pretending that I care no more
soul crying for its need to soar

then I jumped off into space
the unknown flying in my face
It’s not clear where I will land
no matter
I am free again

tio stib

2016, 2017, 2019

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Hand in Hand

the first time we walked together
we got lost
the perfect path
to knowing each other

she never complained
simply smiled
marveled at flowers and bird
held my hand

trusted

we’ve walked on
through mountain meadows
singing with bees and butterflies
dancing barefoot on foggy beaches
gleefully splashing in the waves
hiding under an umbrella in Spring rain
sampling strawberries at the Farmers’ Market
gossiping with passing neighbors
skipping to the grocery store
plopping onto our favorite bench

hand in hand

we walk on

 

tio stib

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Husband and Wife

in the beginning
we knew not where we were going
only
that we were going together

husband and wife

how can you know what that means
when dreams are blinding
when youth is fearless
when life is forever

we skipped down the yellow brick road
not a cloud in the sky
worries past by
lost
in our bubble of love

came curves and surprises
unexpected compromises
failures and broken words
a gathering of differences

darkening days

the same choice
again and again

husband and wife?

the same answer
again and again

husband and wife

two words now one

tio stib

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