My Dementia Diary 35 – A One Act Play

Each day, every day, the curtain goes up on their one act play. 

The early morning hush is broken by her voice, “are you coming to walk with me?”

He rubs sleep from his eyes and answers, “yes, I’m coming.”

The blind man and his demented wife have said these lines well over one thousand times. The play, a new day, begins again.

They make the bed, dress, go out for their morning walk. She babbles on about family and friends who no longer come to see her. His mind drifts about, from birdsongs to the sunshine’s warmth, affirming as needed-

“Yes, I love you.”

“Yes, everyone is well.”

“Yes, it is a beautiful day.”

They stop to sit on a bench, inhaling fresh sea air, soaking up tranquility. He hears a distant train, a nearby bird. 

She asks again, “do you love me?”

“I will always love you.”

Inseparable, they walk on, greeting passersby. She coos to babies, stoops to pet dogs, fills the world with smiles. They shop, bank, deal with life’s necessities, then climb the hill for home.

There are meals to make, chores to do. These done, they sit at their desks, soft music playing. She whistles happily, coloring simple designs, her way of making beauty. Content in this peaceful bubble, he writes, seeking beauty with words.

“Look!” she pleads, confronting him with her finished pages.

“Wow!” he exclaims, blind to her colors but seeing her needs.

Later, she gets bored, and they go back out into the larger world, stop for coffee or ice cream, chat with neighbors, then climb the hill again.

Sometimes there are cameo appearances, short lived visits from family or friends. The script changes little. The show has even gone on the road, played for months in other towns, but the actors returned to the stage they loved best.

Day darkens and, holding hands, they wander down to the overlook,. She  surveys  their community, their town, and describes the people scurrying about on Main Street, the sailboats flying by on the distant water, the colors of the clouds above.

 They hug and kiss and head home.

The curtain falls. No ovations, no encores, no flowers tossed upon the stage.

***

As I lie in bed, waiting for the bliss of sleep, the day’s scenes play again, the smells, the sounds, the precious moments when she was happy.

She is the only audience I care about.

tio stib

You might also enjoy: My Dementia Diary 30 – Fragility, My Dementia Diary

The Lost American Porch

I once lived in a small town
in a small house with a front porch
a sheltered space protecting the entry door
a spot where I would hang out
sitting on a chair, sometimes the steps
drink a beer or lemonade
and simply enjoy the world passing by

a horn would honk, a friendly wave
kids would call out as they passed on their bicycles
neighbors walking dogs, hurrying home from work
“Hello!” 
“Good evening!”
“Nice to feel summer again.”
“Yes, aren’t the roses beautiful?”
“How’s your garden?”
“Beans and peas are up.”
“Going fishing Saturday?”
“Yup.”

these words and waves were the gold threads 
that wove a sense of connectedness , a feeling of belonging
through my life, a fabric seen and felt but not recognized in the moment

I’ve since moved, to bigger places, more complicated worlds
houses that now greet the street with cavernous carports
yawning doorways for cars beside small openings seldom used by people
and these places lack porches, no commitment to connect to the outside world
no attempt to simply sit and watch, to hear, to feel the pulse of community

I do miss the lost American porch

I miss the Americans who used to wave and talk as they passed by

tio stib

You might also enjoy: Finding Home, Let’s Voyage Into the New American House

In Nature I am Home

I’ve Never Felt alone

on countless journeys
off the maps
on trips of whim and circumstance
without a friend and miles from men

I’ve never felt alone

on stormy nights 
and raucous seas
rivers wild and mountains free
near howling wolves
and singing stars

I’ve never felt alone

sitting by a sparking fire
aspens whispering in the breeze
morning mist outside the tent
no footprints
whichever way I went

I’ve never felt alone

there is a peace in wilderness
where souls can breathe in openness
midst meadow flowers and humming bees
the stillness of majestic trees
clouds that melt in azure skies
watchful eyes as I pass by
a world where love embraces me
a love beyond what words can be

when I’m torn by fear and loss
when smallness grabs my soul
the memories of my wilderness
comfort my heart

sometimes I’ve wondered 
how this might be
to wander lone and absently
with no need for humanity

one thought keeps coming
back to me

in nature, I am home

tio stib

You might also enjoy: The Crossing, Life Journey Poems & Prose

Finding Home

it’s a feeling
fleeting
flying off like a nervous bird
when my heart gets too close
yet memories whisper
and I wonder
what was it
that feeling
what was
home

I know I’ve felt it
the Onenes
of place
of people
of shared meals
and wild laughter
in silent awe
watching the moonrise from a porch
sliding up a far mountain
beaming shimmering light across a silent river
sparkling in enchanted eyes

I’ve felt it
in the garden
in the sweet scent of strawberries
picked by eager red fingers
wrapped in buzzing bees and flitting hummingbirds
in the joy of harvest
in the pleasure of shared
plenty

I’ve felt it
in warm murmurs around the fire
in the clink of glasses
in the evening glow of satisfaction
gained from sweating together
building a shared world

I’ve felt it
in smiles and greetings
in walking through community
in waves to passing friends
in bonds formed
by standing together
through tough times

I’ve felt it
in grief and solace
tears shared
remembering those lost
aching for those
forever gone

now I wander
the frontiers of being
soul seeking
heart hoping
to find home
again

tio stib

2016, 2017

You might also enjoy: Two Rivers, A Friend Passes

Tags: blind poet, blind writer, life journey, home, home again, friends, friendship, Nature

tio stib

2016, 2017

You might also enjoy: Two Rivers, A Friend Passes

Tags: blind poet, blind writer, life journey, home, home again, friends, friendship, Nature

Let’s Voyage Into The New American House

There are doors
that want to be free
from their hinges to
fly with perfect clouds.

There are windows
that want to be
released from their
frames to run with
the deer through
back country meadows.

There are walls
that want to prowl
with the mountains
through the early
morning dusk.

There are floors
that want to digest
their furniture into
flowers and trees.

There are roofs
that want to travel
gracefully with
the stars through
circles of darkness.

Richard Brautigan, 1968

Ever since this poem by Richard Brautigan, an American counter culture poet of the turbulent 1960’s, floated through my mind, these words have been the image of my ideal American house, and I’ve even had a few homes that nearly matched this poem’s magic.

tio stib, 2016

You might also enjoy: Finding Home, Hotel Hypothermia

Finding Home

it’s a feeling
fleeting
flying off like a nervous bird
when my heart gets too close
yet memories whisper
and I wonder
what was it
that feeling
what was
home

I know I’ve felt it
the Oneness
of place
of people
of shared meals
and wild laughter
in silent awe
watching the moonrise from a porch
sliding up a far mountain
beaming shimmering light across a silent river
sparkling in enchanted eyes

I’ve felt it
in the garden
in the sweet scent of strawberries
picked by eager red fingers
wrapped in buzzing bees and flitting hummingbirds
in the joy of harvest
in the pleasure of shared
plenty

I’ve felt it
in warm murmurs around the fire
in the clink of glasses
in the evening glow of satisfaction
gained from sweating together
building a shared world

I’ve felt it
in smiles and greetings
in walking through community
in waves to passing friends
in bonds formed
by standing together
through tough times

I’ve felt it
in grief and solace
tears shared
remembering those lost
aching for those
forever gone

now I wander
the frontiers of being
soul seeking
heart hoping
to find home
again

tio stib 2016

You might also enjoy : A Friend Passes, Matsuo Basho-The Journey

Ridge Runner

I broke onto a flat plateau
into a world I chanced to know
after hours of hillside sweat
I stopped to breathe a land yet met

beyond in vast infinity
blue mountains rolled in majesty
and from the ridge on which I perched
a path led on
a primal urge

Surrounded in a flower sea
the buzz of life enveloped me
bright colors fed my starving eyes
a soul connect with ancient ties

floating on forever feet
lungs filled deep with earthly sweets
body lost and spirit led
I followed on to find my bed

this a world I’d only dreamed
so many years
so many schemes
until at last a mountain climbed
brought me home
to Nature’s mind

tio stib, 2015

You might also enjoy: The Crossing, Dead Horse Point