What Should I Do With My Life?

Today’s weather in Tio’s mind: Partly cloudy, warming

After weeks of sobbing  storms overwhelming me as I’ve grieved for the loss of my wife to dementia, today dawned with glimpses of bright sunshine. I heard birds singing and smelled flowers and blossoms, hints of Spring creeping into my small town world.,

I can feel a new season coming, new life beginning again, but what does this mean for me, what now without the woman with whom I spent all day, every day, all the time for the past ten years? Standing stunned on the edge of a chasm of lonely emptiness, I am left wondering-

What should I do with my life?

Being both introspective and introverted, I let this question bounce around my brain like a ball tumbling through a cosmic pinball machine. Over and over, the resulting answer is the same-

TILT!

Obviously, this mental masochism is going nowhere, so it’s time to just move on, seek out the signs that have guided me to a meaningful life in the past-respect.

Courage. Compassion, Integrity. Gratitude, Simplicity. Fellowship. Nature. Frontiers. Wilderness. Service.

I trust that following the path with heart, I will be guided to the right people, the right places, the right purpose.

I pay attention, I live my truth fearlessly, I expect the best, and-

I GO FOR IT!

tio stib

You might also appreciate” Jumping Off; Life Journey Poems & Prose

 

 

Jumping Off

leaning out the open door
time roars by
it’s gone
no more
I wonder what my life might be
had I the courage to jump free

behind me in the train’s cocoon
dreams fly off to distant moons
faces glued to heartless screens
joyless stares and silent screams

and so we travel every day
secure and safe or so we say
the child no longer comes to play
the status quo will have its way

will I stay an untold story
remain in hopeless purgatory
pretending that I care no more
soul crying for its need to soar

then I jumped off into space
the unknown flying in my face
It’s not clear where I will land
no matter
I am free again

tio stib

2016, 2017, 2019

You might also enjoy: Life is Like a Broken Egg, Paddling a Submarine vs. Living an Authentic Life.

Beyond Reason

Is it tragic When reason
pummels passion?
Can I truly breathe
When logic conquers all?

how controlled must my life be
by unseen boxes
how much more of me exists
beyond my fenced in mind

if passion storms
my consciousness
if obsession drives
my soul astray
can I surrender
the crutch of rationality
to be whole and free
again

tio stib

2014, 2015, 2018

You might also enjoy: Lines, Hanging with Happiness

 

Jumping Off

leaning out the open door
time roars by
it’s gone
no more
I wonder what my life might be
had I the courage to jump free

behind me in the train’s cocoon
dreams fly off to distant moons
faces glued to heartless screens
joyless stares and silent screams

and so we travel every day
secure and safe or so we say
the child no longer comes to play
the status quo will have its way

will I stay an untold story
remain in hopeless purgatory
pretending that I care no more
soul crying for its need to soar

then I jumped off into space
the unknown flying in my face
It’s not clear where I will land
no matter
I am free again

Tio Stib Signature

You might also enjoy : Life is Like a Broken Egg, Paddling a Submarine vs. Living an Authentic Life.

Veiled Vision

framed
in distant doorway
transparent
wrapped
in veiled turquoise
laced
with dazzling
emeralds
sunbeams
shimmering
on golden
red hair
perfect
serene
statue
moving
beckoning
threatening
promising…
gone

tio stib, 1994, 2015

You might also enjoy: Intimacy, First Snow

Start with Why?

Start With Why?

Have you spent much time with three year olds lately? I have, and one of the most interesting and often frustrating behaviors of these little beings is their continued use of the single word question:

“Why:”

“Why do I need to eat my vegetables?”

“Why do I need to use the toilet instead of dumping in my diapers?”

“Why are you so mad about the man talking on the television?:

“Why does it matter if I swallowed a quarter?”

Yes, such questions can be annoying, especially if they seemingly never end, but let’s look past our own small mindedness to a basic truth.

“Why?” is the first question of conscious being, arguably the most important one. Children, when they first become able to verbally communicate with adults, ask “why?” Most of the older folks they ask, soon get tired of the never ending prodding and soon simply answer, “just because”.

Cop out.

When do we turn the brain switches off and stop being conscious? When did this happen to you?  For me, it was when I entered kindergarten and suddenly found my self fearful of social disapproval. Yes, it was fear that shut me down. And now, years later, having traversed many of life’s mountains and fallen face first into my fears, I’m back to asking “why?” again.

Why am I writing this blog? Just what do I expect to get out of this? Sure, it would be nice, perhaps, to have a large following of folks who enjoyed my written ramblings about life, who possibly get a chuckle of my misadventures, who might even find some anecdote that paralleled their own journeys and felt compelled to ask their own questions. Yes, that would be comforting, but I don’t think that’s what matters most to me.  Rather, my heart says this writing, this public outlay of my thoughts and feelings is about claiming my own significance, my reason for being, just for me. This blog is me telling the Universe, “I’m here and I’m playing, doing whatever it takes, to fully realize and be me, all I can be for the betterment of life on planet earth.”

A bit heavy. Perhaps. But it rings true to my soul. Is there some humor in this. Certainly. My delusions of making a difference with my life are, of course, delusional.. But, then, aren’t all dreams delusional? That’s what makes them dreams. What’s even more crazy is that some people actually make their dreams happen, in spite of the seeming impossibilities.

So, why not me?

Why?

Back to my favorite question. Let’s hear it for three year olds.

For an interesting perspective on “Why?” check out Simon Sinek’s book, Start With Why, on Amazon. For those who have an appetite for intellectual nourishment, this book is wonderful brain food.

 

Questions, thoughts, or if you’d simply like to connect, send me an email, tiostib@gmail.com

Yours to count on,

Tio Stib Signature

Remedies For Reluctant Romantics

Winning at the Game of Love!
Romance For Dummies…

Tio Stib