Weather Systems of the Mind

I pause and know

they come
demons of darkness
black clouds
in this season of storms

valkyries

naked

my soul is lashed
bashed by fear
drowned in disappointment
chilled by frigid failure
stunned by thunderous disapproval
stumbling in the cacophony of screaming doubt

lost

I pray to survive
this weather system of the mind

tio stib

2019

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Insomnia

there are moments when
I dream in peace
a mind released to roam
then others when
the clock grinds on
and night becomes a tomb

I lay now in eternal night
awaiting mindless deep
a craving need to somehow get
a decent hour’s sleep

tio stib
2015, 2018, 2019

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My Dementia Diary 83 – Hold On

hold on

hold on while her hand
is still soft
still warm
still pulsing with
the memories of golden times

hold on

hold on to the fragments
the scant threads of hope
that somehow the disease
the unseen darkness tearing her away
will disappear

hold on

to the magic of her smile
to the joy of her laughter
to her fingers caressing my face
to the thrill of her scent in my soul

hold on
to the words she whispers in my ear

hola amor

hold her close on that seaside bench
as waves lap gently at our feet
and there is only now and us and love

forever

hear the call
a lonely train
bound for another world

hold on

it will not stop here today

tio stib

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Breaking Trail

in winter stillness
ancient aspens watch
a chickadee flitting past
feathered music
bouncing
over infinite blue

alone
atop the buried meadow
a man paused
turned
looked back at the trampled snow
the trail of footsteps
each print a shadowed testament
to sweat falling from his brow

all he could see was white
reflected memories in a sea of snow
light’s harsh truth
stinging weary eyes

a deep sigh
a gasp of icy air
a hesitation in the heartbeat of being

a smile

he chooses life

again

tio stib

2016, 2018, 2019

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The Challenge of Climbing Mountains

most think the challenge of climbing mountains
is reaching the top
sweating
aching
heart pounding
pushing past fear
step by step
to finally stand victorious
in the rare air
above the clouds of ordinary being
surrounded by distant views
of unclaimed summits

but
with each descending step
the real work begins
returning to the valley of everyday existence
the spirit begins to shrink
atrophy
for it can no longer be fed
by ordinary life

the real challenge of climbing mountains
is never surrendering the summits of our dreams
to stand alone
bold and free
with only mountaintops
for company

tio stib, 2016, 2019

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A Season for Adventuring

rocketing through a cacti forest
past towering sentinels frozen in moonlight
night air and music blasting through the cockpit
singing with Cat Stevens
Riding on the peace train

I’m speeding into wildness at 3 a.m.
crossing into the unknown
road tripping
on the loose

Fall has called me forth
to a season for adventuring

ghosting through the morning mist
as day slides from gray to gold
I’m pulled by hunger into a small cafe
cradling a warm coffee cup
I spy the famished hiker beside me
demolishing a plate full of pancakes

he turns and smiles

Fall is freedom
the work is done, the harvest in
I’m on the road again

mornings are cool now
Fall brings a sharpened awareness
a time to wipe fog from my glasses

as growing sunlight melts shadows from the river
cold water swirls about my shivering thighs
I cast to a distant riffle
the line lays out softly
the fly disappears in a splash

lost in the sweet perfume of pine sap
following a dusty trail of memories
the buzz below me sounds familiar

Jeez!

Damn! Helluva rattlesnake!

all those blue highways
all those maps, long before GPS
all those little country stores
all those stops to buy a soda, asking directions

where the heck is Boggan’s Oasis?

and the magic of those unexpected moments

chasing wild horses through a sea of purple sage
eyeing eagles falling from heaven in their mating aerobatics
cresting a final ridge to discover Shangri-La
an azure lake sparkling in an alpine meadow

immersed
alone
in a hot springs pool
steam rising into nothingness
feeling forever in all directions
soul steeped in gratitude
as sky slips from gold
to pink
to gone

I will not travel these roads again
but they will haunt my heart when
once again
Fall calls the vagabond
to a season for adventuring

tio stib

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