Jimmy Jacks loved action, the adrenaline rush of suspense, the excitement of unexpected surprises. This is why he nearly knocked over the bowl of popcorn on his basketball size belly when his team’s quarterback connected on a deep pass to a wide receiver who dodged a defender and dashed into the end zone.

“Touchdown!” yelled Jimmy as he threw both hands high in the air.

“Ouch!” he muttered to himself, remembering that his seldom stressed body was not accustomed to such exertion. He settled back into the couch and the more cautionary exercise of popping snacks into his mouth, topped off with the occasional gulp of beer.

Ah, this is the life, he thought, then suddenly realized that the popcorn bowl was empty. Loathe to break a sweat or make any unnecessary movement if at all possible, he considered his options.

The dog, who had long ago adopted his master’s sedentary habits and lay asleep in front of the television, was not going to help.

Marla, his most recent girlfriend, was gone over six months now. She’d quickly realized that his sole reason for picking her up at the local bar was to have someone who would fetch cold beer during his sofa sitting sports watching sessions.

What’s a man to do, thought he who had completely committed himself to a life of vicarious pleasure.

“Ow!” Jimmy cringed as his quarterback was annihilated by an onrushing defensive end.

Moral: Nothing ventured, nothing pained.

tio stib

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