Back to Love Basics 2, Give the Love You Want

Are you smiling? Just checking to see if you read my previous post about loving yourself and learning how to dribble the Love Ball.

Remember, it’s all about smiling.

Assuming you’ve done you’re Back to Love Basics homework, let’s move on to Lesson 2, “Give the Love You Want.”

Let;s consider how Frank is currently dealing with his loveless reality-

Frank, entering the coffee shop, notes that his favorite server, Coffee Girl, is at the counter and silently falls in line, immediately behind a sweet little lady who smiles at him.

Frank stares blankly back at her.

Two guys about Frank’s age come up behind him, talking about last night’s basketball game which the home team lost on a last second missed
shot..
‘Can you believe a guy who makes a million a year missed a simple layup,” says one of the guys.

Frank, who had watched the game, was similarly incensed but says nothing.

Suddenly, Frank is standing at the counter in front of Coffee Girl, an attractive young woman who he has had a crush on for weeks.

He stammers, then blurts out, “double espresso.”

“Double expresso coming up,” says Coffee Girl with a smile, and takes Frank’s money.

She hands Frank his change and leaves him with “Have a great day!”

Heartbroken that his secret crush did not invite him to dinner, Frank sulks over to the pickup counter.

Does any of this sound familiar? This situation is not gender specific. Frank might be Francesca. Coffee Girl might be Coffee Guy, or any number of possibilities. The point is someone who wants love,perhaps someone like you, is stammering at the service counter.

What might Frank have done differently to change the outcome here?

First, let’s get clear about what Frank and millions of lonely love wannabes really want. Frank thinks he wants an intimate loving relationship in is life, and he’d really like it to be with the darling Coffee Girl. The problem is that Frank has got his “wants” mixed up with his “needs.”

Sure, I’d like to have a brand new Porsche to rod around in. No mind that I’m blind but it sounds great doesn’t it.

The Porsche may be what I want, but what I really need is dependable transportation. Frank may want the fantasy relationship with Coffee Girl but what he really needs is more loving attention in his life.

Here’s how Frank could have got what he “needed”-

First, when the sweet little lady smiled at him, all he had to do was smile back. He might even have said, “Good morning.”

I guarantee her smile would have broadened and she have ans

I guarantee the lady would have smiled even more and probably answered him with another “Good morning to you.”

A small thing, but this interaction would have left Frank feeling good.

And how about the two guys behind him? Frank could have said, “Yeah, I saw that game. What a putz, he should have to pay a day’s salary for that miss.”

From this, Frank would have gotten the momentary camaraderie of three guys reliving a flash of vicarious outrage.

Again, not a big thing, but Frank would have felt good for having connected with other beings who shared a common life interest.

Then, there is the moment with Coffee Girl. Frank simply sates his order, nothing more. He doesn’t smile. He doesn’t greet the young woman.

Nothing but, “Double espresso.”

What if Frank simply said, “Hi! How are you today?”

Coffee girl would probably answer, “Great, thanks! How can I help you?”

Then Frank puts out his “double espresso, please!” with a little gusto.

For a smile and a few words, Frank actually gets to connect with Coffee Girl. No, she’s not going to marry him just yet, but I’m sure Frank would feel hugely better for having this encounter at the counter.

What is the lesson from Frank’s experience and, to be sure, the experiences of millions of other folks like him seeking love in the world?

Give the Love you want.

That’s it. If you want people to pay attention to you in positive ways, pay attention to them first.

Smile at people and they will, most often, smile back.

Greet people and they will, most often, greet you back.

Reinforce what someone else says and, most often, they will welcome your support.

If you want love in your life, give it first.

Please note that I believe the best way to do this is to love everyone around you, from the little ladies in line to the grumpy old farts who live next door. The more you open up and give love, the easier it is to open up and give love to someone you might be afraid of, like Coffee Girl.

What happens if someone chooses not to respond to your gracious outpourings? Move on. Some folks just are not going to have a good day no matter what. Keep smiling. Keep putting Love out there. You’ll feel much better for the effort.

Okay, time for this week’s “Back to Love Basics” homework-

For the next 7 days, give the Love you want. Make an effort to communicate in a positive way with everyone you meet. yes, last week you smiled at everyone, especially yourself. Start with a smile, add a greeting, then perhaps even ask, “How are you today?”

If you really want to get things going, add a compliment with your greeting.

“Hello, my, what a beautiful hat!”

“Hi, what a great smile you have!”

“Wow! Where did you get that haircut? I’ve always wanted a Mohawk!”

I’m not giving you a number of times to do this, counting past 10 seems to have created difficulties for some. Rather, just make an honest effort.

Smile, greet, say something nice. Do it with Everyone from kids to seniors and, yes, of course, even Coffe Girl or Coffee Guy.

Keep dribbling that Love Ball team!

Tio Stib Signature

You might also enjoy : Starting Over Again, Back to Love Basics, A Mirrored Smile

2 thoughts on “Back to Love Basics 2, Give the Love You Want

  1. Pingback: Back to Love Basics 3, Leap for Love! | Travels with Tio

  2. Pingback: Back to Love Basics 4, Friends First | Travels with Tio

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