Is He/She/It Right?

 

Have you ever found yourself standing in front of the cat food section at the grocery store unable to decide what type of cuisine to try next for your finicky feline? So many choices, how do I know what Percival will like?

No, I don’t relate to this particular anguish. Cats are as standoffish as I am in sharing personal space. However, I do relate to the confusion of too many choices. And sometimes these choices are actually important considerations for the fate of humanity, or at least whether or not you’ll keep smiling this week. Such critical questions as:=

Bobby seems like such a nice guy, should I let his mismatched socks keep me from dating him again?”

or-

“Jeez, Sylvia is a total blast to hang out with. I wonder if the four cell phones she’s constantly answering would keep her from being in a committed relationship?”

or maybe-

“I wonder if Robbie really sleeps with his St. Bernard?”

Yes, these are the moments when you really need to have your head screwed on straight so that you don’t do something stupid, like offer to bring Robbie’s St. Bernard a steak the next time you visit.

How do I know the right choice:

Don’t worry, it’s really not that complicated. All you have to do is breathe.

Stop laughing. Better yet, stop thinking.

Take a deep breath. Inhale a full load of air. Stop. Hold it. Now, slowly exhale.

Again. Inhale. Hold. Exhale slowly.

Once more. Inhale. Hold. Exhale slowly and relax.

Were you able to do this? Could you stop in the middle of your frenetic, brain frazzled day to simply breathe consciously three times?

If you couldn’t do this simple exercise, you will find it hugely difficult to answer the “How do I know?” questions. Your mind is too muddled up with things to do, to cluttered to concentrate and focus. If you weren’t able to stop and take three conscious breaths, and having a full and meaningful life is important to you, we need to do more work together. Let me know and I’ll write another blog post to help with this process. For the rest of you, glad to hear you’re still breathing. Let’s continue.

Here’s how to answer the “How do I know?” question:

Stop what you are doing, get out of traffic to a quiet space. Take three deep breaths as described above. Inhale deeply, hold, exhale slowly. Repeat twice.

Now, as you find yourself in a relaxed state, imagine a blank white wall in front of you. Perfect. Now see your hand writing on the wall in bright red letters.

What do you see?

“Fish. Percy loves fish.”

Purrrfect. Now grab that can of Salacious Sardines and head triumphantly to the check stand.

What happens if the writing on the wall says something totally unrelated to the question you wanted to answer?

You’re smart. You have to be to be reading my blog. That’s right, perhaps there is a more important question that needs to be answered first. For instance, in the case of the lady wondering about the mismatched socks guy, who saw this message in her mind after this exercise:

“”Red Jaguars are so-o-o cool!”, referring to the fact that Bobby showed up for the last date driving his brand new bright red Jag, a little toy he’d picked up after he sold his trendy software company to Google for a trillion dollars.

Pay attention folks, something out there likes you.

Yours to count on,

Tio Stib