The Ultimate Romantic Gift, or How To Save Your Ass When you’ve Really Made Her Mad

You spent last night on the couch, not because that’s where you fell asleep watching the female
mud wrestling championships, but because “She” the woman you’ve promised to forever hold
and cherish, stomped into the room in the middle of said championships and yelled, “You
worthless pile of bat guano! Do you know what day it is?” At which point She turned around and
disappeared into the bedroom, slamming the door so hard that the car alarm started screeching
in the garage.

Surprised, you watch the referee count down the final pin by ooze covered She Bitch, then turn
down the volume and consider what just happened.

A distant voice stirs in your subconscious. She said something about a day. What’s so special
about this day, besides the mud wrestling championships? Oh. A glimmer of recognition. The big
circle she’s been highlighting on the refrigerator calendar the past few days. The advertisement
for Cirque de Soleil tickets left obviously on the kitchen table. The extra cookies in the sack
lunch. She must have wanted something. Oops! Clarity looms in your limited consciousness.
Today is her birthday! What can you do now? First, go turn off the car alarm, the sound is
driving me crazy.

Much better. Now, since you’ll have the whole night on the couch to consider what to do next.
Let me start the process.

Remember The Love Game, (see previous post). She only expects you to do something nice
for her four times a year, those four sacred days are: birthdays, Anniversaries, Mom’s and
Valentine’s Day. In return, you get clean clothes, cooked food, and, hopefully, some delectable
moments in bed, not to mention the beer she brings you with the week’s groceries. All this for a
few measly niceties four times a year. So much for so little and now you’ve blown it.
Take heart, you’re not the first man to be so stupid, our short sighted history precedes you. But,
do not despair, help is on the way. Tio Stib is going to disclose how you can dig yourself out of
this hole.

First, remember the rules of The Love Game. Remember that women make the rules, meaning
only they really know what the rules are. there’s no way you’ll ever really know these rules.
Women know this, and they like it this way. They like being in control. They like knowing your
ego can be flattened at any moment with “”The Look.”” Yes, women like leaving us eternally
confused by this game. The good news is that most women have some sympathy for the sad
male condition, meaning they will grant opportunities for salvation if men do enough groveling.
So, let’s start groveling.

Face it guys, women like drama. It’s what makes them tick. Part of her reason for stomping into
the living room and raining on your mud wrestling parade was to put some drama into your
relationship. Yes, she was probably really pissed off too, but she wanted to make sure you
damn well knew that. So, how do we get back into The Love Game now that we’ve fallen off the
ladder?

Think Ultimate Romantic Gift. What would this be? What can you give her that will so amaze her
that your current worthless status will be immediately forgiven?
Please pay attention. What I’m about to share is the secret of many happy loving relationships.
There are three ingredients to the Ultimate Romantic Gift. First, it must be Wow! It must be
something so unexpected, so incredible that she can’t believe you’ve done this for her. Second,
it must be a surprise’ something that comes at a totally unexpected time. Something so WOW!
So unexpected that she’s speechless with wonder. And, lastly, it must be something from your
heart. A gift that shows that you really care, not something to make up for yesterday’s screw up.
This surprise gift is “just because.”

Simple, yes? So how do you pull this off?

Start by paying attention. Do your best Sherlock Homes imitation and begin looking for clues.
She’s often quite forthcoming in this way. Listen to what she tells you, read between the lines.
Little thoughts like “ Did you notice Harriet’s new diamond ring,” meaning she doesn’t have such
a trinket. Or, “Sally and George are going on their second vacation in two years,” which is her
way of telling you that you’ve not been on a vacation in five years. O.K., you’ve started paying
attention, you even have some ideas of what might make her happy. Now what?

Remember, the perfect gift is something she really wants and it shows up in her life at the
perfect time. What does this mean? It means you don’t give her a beautifully wrapped box and a
dozen roses the day after she’s sent you off to the loveless desert because you forgot your
wedding anniversary, again. Yes, this may help soften the situation, but remember, she’s
dumped on you because she likes drama and she enjoys watching you suffer. She’s going to
play this for all it’s worth and will not let you off the hook so easily. She wants you to be guilt
stricken, there’s not much else that seems to motivate you.

No, if you really want maximum effect for your Ultimate Romantic Gift, you need to give it on an
unexpected occasion. Not one of those four special days, rather on a day just like any other, a
day when you give her this special surprise “Just Because.”

“Just Because” gifts are the arrow straight into a woman’s heart. That is, of course, assuming
you’ve not totally forgotten the other four special days. If you’ve done that, it won’t matter how
many “Just Because” gifts you bestow upon her. She’s going to think you’re a lazy, self-absorbed
jerk. And, of course, she’s right.

No, “just Because” gifts are for the rare occasions when you truly stop and appreciate how
much “she” loves you and how empty your life would be without her.
Let’s summarize. Guys, if you want to stay ahead and win The Love Game, you need to
remember those four special days, birthdays, anniversaries, Mom’s and Valentine’s Day. You
need to pay attention and listen for those clues she will undoubtedly give you to what she really
wants. Then, to really show you care, and to soften the fall when you inevitably screw up, you
do something Wow! “Just Because.”

You can do this guys. You can win The Love Game.

Drop me a note if you’ve got any great gift ideas. After this mornings crash with the wife over the
proper temperature of hot chocolate, I’m in need of some suggestions.

Good loving!

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Need more help? Check out my book “Remedies for Reluctant Romantics, 100 Ways to Sweep
Love Off Its Feet.” It’s fun; it’s practical; and it’s cheap! Here’s the link-

Remedies For Reluctant Romantics

Winning at the Game of Love!
Romance For Dummies…

Adapt, Migrate, or Don’t Be Happy

A wise friend of mine often reminds me of what his grandaddy said when facing tough circumstances.

“Boy, in life you’ve only got three choices in any dire situation. It’s the basic law of Nature. When facing any threat of impending doom, you can either adapt, migrate, or go extinct. Period.”

Seems like a rather simplistic pronouncement, but as I’ve studied how these words measured up against my own unending perils, I think old granddad summed it up quite well, although I’d modify his thought thus:

“In any perilous situation, man has three choices: adapt, migrate, or don’t be happy.”

How might this apply to man’s’ daily encounters with the arguably most dangerous of species, women? Consider the following example:

He is sitting in front of the television, beer and chips in hand, watching the championship football game. He’s been looking forward to this all week. She marches in, stands defiantly in front of the television and blurts, “The sun’s shining and you’ve promised to cut the grass for weeks. It’s time!”

Adapt, migrate, or don’t be happy.

Consider the options:

Adapt: You could negotiate, promise to cut the grass immediately after the game, never mind that it’s already 4 p.m., and darkness will engulf the yard at 6, not to mention this is a double header day. Or, you could offer to do the yard tomorrow, hoping she doesn’t remember that you’ve already promised to take the family to the Wonderland Theme Park. Yes, you can adapt by trying to negotiate. In this case you’re options are limited as this is the tactic you used the past two weeks in avoiding the task. Next-

Migrate. You could arrange for your buddy Harry to call and then tell your wife he urgently needs your help in fixing his broken hot water heater, you’ll be back as soon as possible. Of course, Harry’s hot water heater is fine, but now you and he can watch the games in the safety of his garage undisturbed by domestic trivia. The downside of this is that Your wife and his wife are also friends and it’s more than likely that they will talk and your wife will soon discover that she’s been scammed, reducing your options to the final

Or don’t be happy. Yes, it may come to this. After reviewing all your other options and their consequences, you may just have to get out and mow the yard or face the continued wrath of your wife. But, wait, perhaps there are other  possibilities. Let’s go back to adapt.

Man’s ability to adapt to changing circumstances has been the single most important means of his survival on planet Earth. What are other ways he can adapt to this crisis? He could call Billy, the teenage kid next door, and offer him $20 to cut the yard, plus a free beer on the side. For an extra $10 he could probably get Billy to wash the wife’s car too. Now, we’re talking bonus points in the Love Game, getting out of the hole and back on top of her graces, (see previous post on The Love Game). Yes, it’s always wise to consider all options for adapting to crisis situations.

Looking for more ideas for how to survive and win the Love Game? Check out my new book, Remedies for Reluctant Romantics, 100 Ways To Sweep Love Its Feet. It’s available on Amazon.

http://www.amazon.com/Remedies-Reluctant-Romantics-Tio-Stib-ebook/dp/B00HM9CN7A

I’m in your corner.

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Tio Stib

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