My Dementia Diary 66 – Retreating

For months, we’ve been retreating, letting go, moving on, saying “adios” to activities, friendships, and family events that no longer fit us.

I say “we’ve been retreating,” but, in truth, it’s only me.

 there is usually a moment of realization, a painful awareness that our life no longer matches up with the lives of others. I decide to stop attending a particular gathering because the combination of my blindness and my wife’s diminishing attention span makes it awkward for us to participate. I decide to avoid family get togethers because the adults can’t deal with my babbling wife and the kids find us boring. I stop visiting friends because my wife’s constant need for attention makes conversation with others impossible.

More and more, we are by ourselves in our small world. Yes, we are fortunate that this world is comfortable, safe, and offers us pleasant opportunities to walk amidst beautiful surroundings. We are also fortunate that there are a few warm hearted, compassionate folks who welcome us into their lives. Still, I can’t pretend that I don’t find this retreat process depressing. 

More and More, I feel like I’m backing into the future, spending more time looking behind than ahead, thinking more about all the things we can no longer do, than appreciating the possibilities we still have.

Yes, I have an attitude problem. I am still struggling with letting go of what blindness keeps me from doing and accepting the reality of my wife’s dementia. In dark moments, find comfort in the stories of other bloggers in similar situations and their supportive feedback.

I have survived and grown through many perilous and difficult times and trust these experiences have prepared me for the challenges I now face.

But I’ve never climbed a mountain like this before.

tio stib

You might also enjoy: Which Mountain to Climb?, My Dementia Diary

 

6 thoughts on “My Dementia Diary 66 – Retreating

  1. Tio, I understand how difficult it is to feel like you are limiting your life so much. I am afraid that it is the rare person who does not have to do that as we age. Age brings with it so many limitations. Some seem worse than others, some come on more quickly than others. But it always comes somehow. We are all dealt different hands in life. Eyes, knees, mind, emotions, other body parts, family members. You seem to be playing your dealt hand with grace. It is a struggle, but in being open about your struggle you help us all. I wish I could accept some of my life’s limitations with as much grace and gratitude as you. I am working on it–some areas are easier than others. Blessings to you, Tio.

    • Thank you, I take comfort in the kindness of your thoughts. I’m also grateful for your shared wilderness outings which stir my adventuring memories and warm my vagabond soul.

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